Reflections from the Frontline of COVID-19: Chaplain Rachelle Zazzu

During the COVID-19 pandemic, the need for chaplains has come to the forefront of public conversation, as evidenced by the stories and news coverage of their care and support of hospital staff, patients, families and people all across the nation and the world. During the initial months of shelter-in-place orders in the U.S., hotspots of the virus emerged in the North East, especially in New York City. As loss and grief mounted in New York and beyond, chaplains supported those bereaved and those who care for them.

In the following reflections, chaplains from Mount Sinai Health System in New York offer their stories and perspectives from the frontlines in the hopes of helping other spiritual care providers in cities that are now surging. If you have a story you’d like to share, let us know.

The following reflections were transcribed and compiled by Juliane Ding and have been edited and condensed for clarity. You can hear audio from this interview below. This post is one of a series, also including Chaplain Kaytlin Butler, Rabbi Jo Hirschmann, Esther Maria Roman, and Rabbi Rachel Van Thyn.

I have a feeling that this would be a completely different narrative 6 months from now when I have some perspective. Now I have a sense of still being in harm’s way in the middle of the battle. In every way this experience has taught me the meaning of the word multi-dimensional.”

I am the sole caregiver for an ailing parent with an advanced and progressive lung disease and I am the lone chaplain in one of the hardest hit hospitals in the country. I am on every floor, in every unit of the hospital every day. The ER, the ICU, the IMCU, PACU, OR, and more. Along the way, I pray with and hold a sacred space for staff who are afraid to bring the pandemic home to their children who have auto-immune disorders, spouses healing from chemo and aging parents. These staff self-isolate, which is more painful for them than they can say. Not being there for a wife with cancer or their child has left an existential scar on their psyche that is deep and raw. Also, these staff do not want to get COVID-19 and die and I do not want to get it and die.

I pray with and hold a sacred space for staff who are afraid to bring the pandemic home.

And we have already lost a long-time beloved staff in our fight against COVID-19. One of our staff members lost both of his parents in a week. We still have families of staff in our ICUs fighting for their lives. When I pray with staff who are attending to the family members of their colleagues I often hear, “PLEASE Lord, do not let them die and PLEASE do not let them die on my watch.” These prayers are fervent and witnessing our staff care for a sister, mother and brother of our coworkers who are in critical condition is one of the most painful scenarios I have witnessed in my time serving in hospitals.

On a more personal note, I do not want to bring COVID-19 home to my mother for whom I have been assured it would be fatal. She has not left the house in a month and due to her conditions, cannot always remember why I will not let her out of the house. But the fear, exhaustion, and overwhelming amount of death has not in any way lessened or muted our sense of hope, and the integrity of a chaplain’s calling to serve and our love for each other.  The kindness of neighborhood restaurants and businesses in taking care of my community is humbling in a way that is verbally indescribable.

In addition, the support of my church is so palpable it brings me to my knees in gratitude.  I have been a minister in my church for 35 years and I have served in hospitals for nearly 30 of them. I have never experienced the depth of God’s love and protection as I have the past 4 months. My friends have been a rock steady lifeboat lifting me beyond every oncoming wave. Not only have they raised funds to feed most of my hospital but the daily reminders, notes, texts and prayers lift me to a place in my consciousness I did not even know existed, let alone have the wit to pray for. And also, like many people I work and live alongside, I am ready for this to be over now. Like, right now.

The fear, exhaustion, and overwhelming amount of death has not in any way lessened or muted our sense of hope.

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